my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
