you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
