is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
