i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want nice things and good sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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