Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
