Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
