Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
