the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
