So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
