I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
