I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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