This is not my ceiling
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
