Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
