just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
