do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Couch. On fire.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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