i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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