Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
