what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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