I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
