i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
