i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
