Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
