you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
