Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
