That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
