My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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