What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
