i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
