I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
