Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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