Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
