You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My life is pants optional.
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