Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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