Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
