Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
