Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize