you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You may now shotgun with the bride
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
