what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My life is pants optional.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
