I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
