Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
