She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
