Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
