Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
