you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
