We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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