I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
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