It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
