Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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