Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
