I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize