I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
