I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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