I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize