apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
