someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
