My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
