i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
