she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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