YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
These tits shall not be calmed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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