Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
