I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
