Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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