Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
