She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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