Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
