fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
