Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
