Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
