wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
