u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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