Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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