I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
